Thursday, February 26, 2009

Strange, ain't it?

I woke just before 5am because my husband was squirming, so I reached over and gently placed my hand on him to help calm what seemed like a bad dream. He woke up a moment later and told me of his dream, which eerily sounds a lot like one of my recurring dreams: he is driving in a car on a local, busy road when he spots a dark, large Shepard. Suddenly the car is gone and he is faced with the brute dog who begins to charge at him.
Then he woke up, and I was already awake having noticed he was upset in his dream. Weird that it so closely mirrors some of my dreams. I do tend to share my dreams with him, but haven't very recently.

My dreams were weird too. A bit creepy as well. I usually try to write my dreams here chronologically, but today I am just going to try to get them on the screen:

My dead sister is not dead. She and I are holed-up in some messy place. She is quite calm and I am a bit irritated. We are waiting for someone - someone who doesn't actually show up. She is rummaging through her funeral materials; reading through the mass booklet we put together, she tells me she doesn't like it, that it wreaks of guilt. I swallow hard not knowing how to counter that. She asks me if I ever read her eulogy and how she reads it to all of her friends and that they are much impressed with its ability to capture her. I tell her of course I read it, I wrote it. While maybe before her happiness with the eulogy would make me feel better, I don't feel better. I feel trapped in this messy place and expectant for this expected person. She continues rummaging casually, while comfortably nestled on an over-stuffed couch. I pace.
Next I am in the house where we lived while I was in high school. I am in my old bedroom, alone. Someone, a family member, comes in and hands me a mini photo album. I flip through and many of the pictures are of my sister who passed. But then there are photos of me - naked! Not just naked, but SUGGESTIVE naked. My face goes hot and scarlet. I wonder why the hell family has this album. There are pictures of me and an old boyfriend too. Really weird shit, and I can't help wondering "did someone take these pictures, or did we use a tripod?" I take the album and find a place to be alone so I can get a better look at these photos - they seem to have a glaze to them, as though it were foggy in the room where we were during the "shoot". I then somehow fall into bed with a man, and there is a photographer among us.
At some point I am with my mom and younger brother, we are traveling together, but I have no idea where to and don't think to ask. We stop off at a burger joint that one of my older brothers is working at. We wait in line hungrily and then he passes a plate to us with a burger, no bun, and random weird stuff on it. I'm annoyed because I'd like my own burger but say nothing. We walk through a large deserted parking lot, I am still carrying this large beef plate while looking for a place for us to rest and eat. We find a cement park across the street. There are other people there. Everyone just milling about, like an aimless flock of pigeons.

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