swingin'

seeking a new place to live; I don't think my husband is with me, but I continue to search on our behalf. I finally find a cool place that is set on a woodsy road. the other houses aren't too close and there is a rapid flowing creek behind the house. I make my way inside and there are glass panel sliding doors separating a bathroom from a laundry room. a large white kitchen is to my left... the kitchen seems to stretch for miles and at the other end I see old roommates of mine. they make comments that hint that they think they will be living with me. dread rushes through my body: there is no way in hell I want to live with them. Ever. Again. I leave the house and make way through backyards. I am looking for my younger bother. I come across numerous kittens exploring the backyards too. I decide to go back to my new house--I am overwhelmed to have our own home and want to be there. I work my way into our backyard: it's huge and there are lots of mature trees. I find one that sits just next to the creek and find in the crook of its branches a swing seat fastened to thick rope. I climb onto the swing and start to sway. Suddenly I hear Michael Buble's version of "Save the last dance for me" and I swing faster and take leaping starts from the branches with my feet, pushing myself harder into the air. I find it odd/lucky that I am not hitting branches because they seem to shoot out from every angle of the tree's trunk. But I don't brush against a one of them. I notice too that a silken cape is hanging across my shoulders: it is bright purple and royal blue and it feels so silky against my skin and the air working its way through my hair both create a sensual feeling inside of me. I begin to move the cape and move to the music while swinging in the sky.

getting around

Out and about in a city that I do not recognize... there are barely any people walking the streets. I am with an older girlfriend, she is hurried and impatient. We stop in a little deli-like store and my friend decides to desert me. I am upset and the small Asian women working in the store have little sympathy for me, "keep it moving." I walk back outside and my friend is long gone; I am scared to walk these dark, unknown streets by myself, but I continue in the direction where I am staying. Suddenly I am on a city bus and with an old boyfriend. He's hugging and kissing me and two girls on the bus are trying to get his attention. We make our way to the very back and continue hugging and such. We are headed to some sort of family gathering and have to provide a song. I have been singing a song I wrote under my breath throughout all of my walk leading up to this bus ride. I sing it to my boyfriend and he's impressed; he hadn't thought me musical. We make our way off of the bus and are walking along a dark sidewalk. The two girls from the bus have followed us and are now behind us giggling. I'm annoyed.
I am suddenly overhead, watching my truck-driver brother walk along this same sidewalk from the opposite direction. He is toting suitcases too. He looks over his shoulder and realizes I am there. He begins to tell me about the brightest spots from the view of his airplane ride: glittery mountain tops and parades of brightly-dressed people in faraway lands, and the runway in Behran he says was lighted like a field of diamonds.

bit by bit

The biggest bit I can recall from last night:
I am working my way down a muddy hillside with my mother and one of her sisters. They are talking amongst themselves. I get to the bank of water first and begin to load my mother's dishwasher, but it is overcrowded with dirty dishes already and water comes flooding out of it. I am irritated and ask her why she couldn't have taken care of this---I tell her that she is an adult and must take responsibility in her life. She becomes irate and irrational. Her sister and I follow as she begins to make her way back up the hill. We keep a little distance behind her because she is angry and may strike out at us. She reaches a huge black boulder and climbs on top of it and with tears sweating down her face, she yells at us and makes dramatic gestures with both of her arms. She then attempts to commit suicide right in front of us by jumping from the top of the boulder... she jumps and I scream, but she floats gently and lands on her feet. She climbs and tries again. This time her belly surfs the air and I think she is going to go splat on the jagged ground, but again, the air seems to cradle her and she merely floats and is then turned upright and lands her feet.

Girl with a waist

Gathered with family(--always an unfortunate event). A cousin is running the show and watching cooks in a boxy kitchen get the food prepared. She talks to me while she works, telling me about her new name and tiny waist. I listen-- only half interested. She asks me to go into her purse to get something and I find her driver's license and a piece of cardboard -- she quickly makes her way to me and grabs both her license and the cardboard. I ask if she changed her license and she says "yes, see?" she holds her license up to me so that I can see her picture, but places her index finger over her last name. I think that strange. Also, in the picture she is absolutely washed out--she looks like she drank bleach, or at the very least took a swim in some chemical that stole all of the color from her hair, eyes, skin. I don't recognize her. She moves away from me as if she just realized she doesn't recognize me either.

dark chaos

I'm at the house I lived in while a teenager. My two brothers are there, somewhere in one of the dark rooms is our mother. I am sitting in my old bedroom looking out of the window that is directly above the front door to our house. The neighborhood, too, is dark. Suddenly there is noise-incredibly disruptive and seemingly violent or angry. A group of cars drive directly in front of our house, there are loud men inside the cars; they circle another car--my car in the dream--taunting as they zoom faster in tight circles around my car. I cower and hope they can't see in the dark window. I hear them calling me by my first and last name. I run from my room and look for my brothers. They seem unconcerned. I move from door to door and window to window securing the locks. I don't feel safe though.

A large maroon bus appears and it becomes the men's focus. Someone from my periphery alerts me that I am responsible to drive this bus--the passengers are waiting. I am given a ring of keys, but none of them seem to work in the various locks. I am handed a clipboard with a list of the passengers, but the last driver did not keep good records, nor did he notate who paid and who did not. I am weighted by my understanding that I have to straighten all of this out.

The scene shifts and I am sitting on grassy patch of ground with my mom. There are a few intimate strangers with us. They talk to us like they know us, but I don't recognize their faces or voices. We watch from our grassy post as my mom's three sisters parade down a quaint Main Street. The older sister has taken her two younger sisters shopping for their birthdays and is picking up purchases for their birthday celebration later that night. My mom is hurt--she says not only was she not included, but that the older sister had not ever took her out for her birthday. I feel bad for her. The strangers seem intrigued by this dynamic; they begin to dissect the behavior of the older sister and draw her in unattractive light.

dream oozes good

after my long, unexcused absence I offer a dream that I think oozes good:

my husband and I are walking through a home we are preparing to buy: the bathroom is huge and the shower is connected to waterfalls and a large tub. I jump in while the current owners watch me swim around in the warm blue water. my husband watches too, but does not join me. We make our way out to the grounds and realize how much property there is here---we are delighted for the space to grow and privacy afforded to us. The pool area is stone, surrounded by dark, rich mud. At first glance the pool water is murky---brown and gleaming, certainly not diaphanous. I am turned off, although the idea of the pool bleeding into the nearby clean-water creek is tempting. I begin to wade in the pool, wary to go under, but as soon as my husband wades in along with me the water clears--going brightest blue I know of. We begin to swim and splash around. The water is cool, constant movement. It feels divine.